it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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