we made out on top of his cat.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You left your phone here
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