i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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