opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
