on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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