the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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