my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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