He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
