Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
