chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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