I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
