that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I checked into jail on foursquare
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
