I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
