Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
