i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
