I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
