I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
