I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
