I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
