apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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