So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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