Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
