that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
