Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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