he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I have fence marks all over my body
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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