i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
