I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
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He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
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No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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