I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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