She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
