Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
this boner is exhausting
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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