You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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