Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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