I wish I could teleport
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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