last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
OPIZZABONMYDICK
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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