just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
