his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize