Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's not a walk of shame if you run