hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.