why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
