i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
