Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize