I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Houston, we have a blender
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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