lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
