"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
