We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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