wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
