I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
