ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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