If i come over, it means nothing
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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