i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
