She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
