Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
