obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
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She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
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