Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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