We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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