I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she woke up with a sticky ear
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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