I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
