I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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