After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
