you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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