All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
