I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
