Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize