I cockslap morals
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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