Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
