***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
