it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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