peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
50% drunk capacity currently
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
