He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
