I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Princesses don't give blow jobs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
