Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
