I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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