There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
