he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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