Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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