I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
