U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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